Pulling you in

I care too much about what you think of me. Yes, you: my professors, my campus minister, my friends, my peers, my family. Your opinion of me has shaped me into who I am, or at least who I think I am. You've told me that I am a good listener, that I have a nice smile, that I am talented. You've read my blog, you've heard me sing, you've watched me preach. I strive everyday to live up to the standards and ideals that you set for me, then I fight harder to be everything that you want from me. I'm a nerd when you hand me a book. I'm outgoing when you hand me a mic. I'm an artist when you hand me a brush. I'm a poetic when you hand me a pen. I build when you hand me a hammer. I listen. I plan. I organize. I teach.

I do these things on my own, with my ability. I don't rely on anyone or anything else; I just work to live up to who I think you want me to be. 

The problem is I shouldn't care.

I've found my self-worth in relationships and roles that I've played. I've pushed myself to be everything I can because I've thought that my reward would be becoming that person and finding some kind of lasting joy. The rewards that come from those things are short lived.

I am a child of the creator of the universe. He made me this way. He knew me before time and He knows His plans for me. I don't want to do anything that says that I believe any different. I don't want to do anything that I could have done without Him; I want to rely on Him with every step I take.

God gave me my talents and passions so that I could use them to glorify Him and share His Word with others. If I care more about what you think than what He thinks, I've failed before I've even tried.

I am chained to the heart of Christ. I am no longer chained to the things of this world. It is my hearts desire to live each moment like that is exactly what I believe.