Pt. 4: Let the Sun Shine In

 I love the weather before a storm. It's a little windy, a little sunny still. The way the beams of sunlight break through the clouds makes me wonder how glorious it must be from God's view. It doesn't hurt to experience this feeling from under a beautiful, old tree in a neighborhood park. This is where I see God and I am still enough to hear Him speak to me; where life slows down enough so the rest of the world doesn't matter.

"Be still, and know that I AM God."

Pt. 3: Cleaning Up the Past...

 In my last week working at Nancy's, I decided to clean and label everything so that the girls working after me would know where everything goes. This was the end result...a beautiful, clean workspace. This is where flour and sugar become cupcake batter and confectioner sugar becomes icing. Baking is a beautiful, therapeutic thing. 

This, however, is the result of baking with a bad attitude. I burnt the crap out of my arm on the side of the oven while pulling my cupcakes out. It was quite a horrible feeling, but now it's just a pink scar, a reminder of my short lived career as a baker.

One thought at a time, Pt 2: Worship

Two weeks ago at Emerge, we had a prayer service that really got me thinking. 

The lights were dim, only pointed at the cross in the center of the room or candles under pictures of things we were praying for. Jhavonn and I taped a labyrinth on the stage that led to the cross with candles around it. With everyone barefoot, singing and praying, walking and crying, it was simply an incredible experience. 

I got to pray with a few girls who have shared their struggles with me and some even prayed for me; it is such a blessing to have people to share burdens with, knowing that in the body of Christ when we lean on each other we are only making the body stronger. 

I want to plan a weekend of prayer and worship for the women at Huntingdon. I think bringing us together for corporate prayer could really create something good. I would really love to focus on women and our roles as Christians. I am learning so much in my life right now, I just want to keep learning and sharing with others. I think I found something I'm really passionate about :)

Last night, we moved our worship service to a new location because the auditorium we were using is being renovated. The new location is on the third floor of an old residence hall on campus, in two rooms that we knocked a wall out between. After a little hard work, the room is a great space for worship, Bible study, and fellowship. I am really excited to see what (and who) God brings to this new location.

The lesson last night was on Christian Perfection. Dr. Jeffcoat spoke from a Wesleyan perspective all about sin in the believer. One thing that really got me was a quote from John Wesley, "Christ cannot reign where sin reigns. Neither will He dwell where any sin is allowed. However, He dwells in the hearts of believers who fight against every sin." or as Dr. J put it, "Sin may remain, but Christ REIGNS!"  Christ enters to bring dominion over sin.

One thought at a time....Pt. 1: Packing Boxes with nowhere to go

I am in the process of moving out of the house I've been living in since August. Without a car things started to get complicated. It's weird how having a place to call your own makes to feel secure. I am staying with my parents right now, but I feel homeless. I know I don't belong here. My former roommate already has a new roommate moving in with her this week. Everything is moving so quickly.

My brother wants me to move up there and live with him. I love this idea and I know I would be happy in Rock Hill. I love all of his friends too. My boyfriend wants me to move to Georgia. Its a great little city and I love the old homes and the possibility of going to Mercer and getting a Masters in something. My dad knows that I finished the financial classes for House to House and I could qualify for a house within the ministry, which would be close, and affordable.

I want to make everyone happy, and I honestly want to move to all of those places. I have absolutely no idea what I should do.

 I'm open to suggestions...

Bad Timing...

I've started writing a post at least 6 times now and I've yet to publish it because nothing seems right.

No caption under a picture can truly capture everything that is going on inside my head. It's frustrating and emotional that words don't seem to fit right now. There's so much going on that I can barely even stand it, yet when I take a step back from myself, I feel like nothing is happening at all.

I'll write that post, eventually.
Not yet, though.

Duct Tape, Rain, Travels, and Rants

 Today, after church, it was really nice outside, so my parents started a fire in the little pit they have and we sat outside for a while. They read the newspaper while I made duct tape wallets. I made 10 in about an hour, the last two are a little different though; they were billfolds. My dad got the first one I made, since his old one was falling apart, and he suggested that I make a business out of it and teach kids in the neighborhood how to make them. I think that would be a lot of fun. Wallet making might get old though.

 My new project, as the assistant to the chaplain at Huntingdon is to oversee EMERGE, the Thursday night worship service we have in the old Cloverdale school building. This past Thursday night went really well, I think. I took this picture as the band was practicing. Last year, I was a part of the band, and things have certainly changed a lot since then. To take the focus off the band a little and to make it feel less like a performance, the band is on the floor, not the stage, with everyone else, and the speakers are a whole lot closer to the group. It's the subtle changes that make big impacts though, like intentionally not lighting the band and positioning a light on the cross next to them. I think the Spirit has big things in store for this semester and I cant wait to see them happen.

 This picture is a two-in-one...First, its a picture of me and my brother at a roof top restaurant in Beijing, China. There are a whole lot of memories that go along with these pictures; I am so blessed to have been a part of those amazing trips. Secondly, its a picture of the desktop of my new MAC!!! Its new to me, but it was my dad's computer before he spilled coffee on it, they just had it fixed so that I could have it!! It's so nice to have a computer again, and its amazing that it's a mac. I'm really grateful to my parents for fixing it for me.

 I love this picture. Friday night, it was really rainy, but I weathered the storm to spend time with Matthew and Kaitlyn. We had dinner at Sonic in the rain and then went to see the new movie, The Woman in Black. It was a really good movie and it was really nice just to hang out with friends. I feel like I havent gotten to do that a lot lately. This picture is of the lights reflecting on the road with the rain on the windshield.

 Last weekend, I went to the Carolinas to spend time with my brother and attend a Forum on Beauty with the Friday Arts Project. It was a great weekend, filled with amazing art and brilliant artists. It really was an eye opening weekend for me, not just with art and beauty, but within myself...

 My brother drives my old Chevy Custom Deluxe truck. Its a great truck that has done its share of moving friends and homes, transporting old metal for scrapping, and hosted an occasional star gazing night...I love this old truck and the things I've learned from it. The memories of listening to Death Cab really loud because you had to turn the volume up loud enough to hear over the engine and the wind. The conversations on long and short rides about life and where we might be headed. The views from the window of places we've been...and amazing storm systems, like this one.

 This was our destination in the truck that day. Cameron was selling scrap metals. Since the weekend was about beauty, I wanted to capture this moment. When we think about beauty, we often think about some clean, media-driven idea of neatness...not the way in which things work together, or how mounds of old things have the potential to become new creations. We are so closed off to real beauty and the wonder of the creation that our Creator has made for us because we fail to open our eyes to see that things aren't always what they seem.

 This is a building at Mercer University, one of the schools I am currently applying to for grad school. Its a beautiful school in Macon, GA, and I love the neighborhood its in. I can see myself there, but I can also see myself in Rock Hill, going to school in Charlotte. I feel like I have so many options, I dont know what to do with them. God's will is not clear to me...so I'm just waiting for a door to open.

 Until then, I am baking cupcakes at Nancy's, volunteering my time at Huntingdon, and maybe even working for my dad at House to House again.

 This was two weeks ago, as I said goodbye to my car...and now I'm staying with my parents, borrowing their cars when I can, and realizing how spoiled I am. Our society is so screwed up. We think everything is a right, and we have no idea the kind of privileges we have because of it.

where I find myself

I try to be an optimistic person, but there's a point, I think, where you have to open your eyes a little wider to really see what God's doing when times get hard. I'm peeling my eye lids back....

Every single day, yes even on Christmas and new year's day, I receive multiple calls from my student loan lenders. Everyday I tell them the same thing. "Yes, I know my call will be recorded." "Yes, all of my contact information on file is correct....How do I know? I was asked to check it yesterday...and the day before that." "Yes, I've already tried and been rejected for forbearance on my loan...no, I don't want you to try again today." "Why can't I pay up now? Well, yes, I have a job, but I don't make enough to pay rent and utilities each month let alone food and gas..." But now, my story has changed....Why can't I pay? Because I just sold my car for what its worth in metal and now I don't have anything to get me to work but my own two feet or the sweetest friends God could give me.
 There's this circle in society...you need a car to get to work...you need a job to pay for a car...you need a car to get a job...you need a job to get a car...Montgomery isn't exactly bicycle friendly, especially not on my side of town. The ten minute drive to work is straight down one road I would never attempt to walk down, especially since there isn't a sidewalk.
So, this is where I find myself. I have no car. I have a dead end, minimum wage job. I owe tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. I want to go to grad school. I want to do something productive with my life.

On the more positive side of things, I got to spend more time than I expected with William (my boyfriend) in Macon, GA this past weekend. We had an amazing time watching movies, bowling, and spending a little time with his family. We cooked breakfast together on Saturday; it reminded me of our time at the Market at the Waters. We were always such a good team working together.  I think that's one reason we work so well...we know what we need to do and we know each other's strengths, which basically means that he always cooks the meat and I handle the little things or making it pretty. Its fun to be by his side in the kitchen...I'm glad he's a good cook!
On one of our adventures in town, we wanted coffee from a local shop called Joshua Cup (you should totally go if you're ever in Macon) but it was closed, so we used Siri to find Jittery Joe's. The walk from one coffee shop to the other was only about a mile, but we took our time, looking at all the amazing and beautiful old homes in downtown Macon. There's something about them that makes me want to live there. The city isn't flat like Montgomery, it has beautiful hills that have amazing views.....When we got to Jittery Joe's we realized it was across the street from Mercer University so we gave ourselves a tour of the campus, which has great architectural qualities...I love it. I loved it so much I found the Mercer web page and started an application for grad school...(William is the only person I've told about that...except for you, now) I decided that going to Mercer meant I could be closer to William, get my masters in counseling, ride my bike everywhere (since I'm recently without a car) and maybe even get a job with the Wesley House there. It all sounds good on paper...but there are always details that get overlooked...

I find myself stressfully content...which doesn't make any sense at all. There are so many things I could do and places I could go, but for now I'm just waiting. I except that I'm penny-less and my credit will be horrible, but I'm capable of moving on, and I've been blessed with wonderful friends and family who have been so good to me. What more could I need?

The Begining of Something Beautiful...

2011 was a pretty good year for me...its time for a little reflection, introspection, and projection.

I started last year at Passion Conference in Atlanta, GA. It was an amazing conference, as it always is, but I really felt that God was teaching me to be patient and wait on Him. And so, I did. Spring was a crazy semester for me, being that it was my last semester of my undergraduate career. I quit my job for a little while because my Hebrew class was getting really difficult for me. I really enjoyed the class, and I'm still trying to keep my head processing everything I learned. It was a great experience for me, even though I might not have admitted it back then.

My best friend was engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor, which is certainly an honor. She's getting married this coming weekend and I am so excited to be able to be a part of such an important and beautiful day for both Jackie and John.

In May, I graduated from Huntingdon College with a BA in psychology and religion. It was pretty surreal. The next week, a group from Huntingdon went to Greece and Turkey. It was an amazing trip and it was the prefect ending to the past four years. From Ephesus to Santorini, it was literally one of the best trips of my life. I will never forget it.

Over the summer, my internship with House to House and Common Ground was something I certainly wont forget. I learned a lot about myself and what it's like to live with 19 strangers who all have a common goal for the summer that wasn't my own. It was hard and frustrating at times, but I made a couple good friends through it and God definitely taught me a lot.

At the end of the summer, my search for a real job started and lead nowhere. I was offered a position at Hutningdon with the Chaplain, and simply because it is something I have a passion for, I took it...as a volunteer. I still have my job at Nancy's, barely making enough to pay rent and utilities, but I'm having fun being able to stay at Huntingdon.

At the conclusion of the year, I'm totally broke, my student loan lender calls me every day asking for money I cant give them, and I don't exactly have my dream job...but things are really starting to look up. I'm in a relationship with an amazing guy and I'm looking forward to seeing how God's plan for us will unfold.

I don't want to make a new year's resolution, for fear that I wouldn't completely forget about it or just fail all together; so, instead, I am making a goal for myself in various aspects of my life. By making these public, I'm opening myself to your accountability and encouragement throughout the rest of the year.

Spiritually: I will have a quiet time daily and I will be intentional about reading scripture and sharing my faith with others.
Mentally: I will do my best to stay positive and see God's blessings and His glory everyday.
Academically: I would like to do something to further my education...I want to take classes to be a certified Nouthetic Counselor...or just get my butt to seminary
Job: I want to find a better paying job that will allow me to make the necessary payments on my student loans

I hope you all have a very blessed new year and many more to come.

Catching my Breath...

A lot has been going on, and I'm still without a computer, but since students are on break and the weather is getting nice, I'm starting to get a short break in my schedule. I thought I'd do a little catching up and sharing photos...so, here goes nothing...

For Thanksgiving, my parents and I drove up to the Carolinas to see our family. This is me and my brother at the zoo in Ashboro. We decided to go to the zoo on black Friday instead of shopping. We used to always spend Thanksgiving at my mom's parents in North Carolina, but since they passed away, we've started new little traditions that have taught me a lot about family and everything they mean to me. It's not about the food, its how you work together in the kitchen. It's not about the structured "this year I'm thankful for..." speech that family members give, its simply about spending time and catching up with people you care about. We adopted some new family this year, but honestly, it made the day even better. 

This was a small part of the Thanksgiving day crew just sitting on the porch (thanks to the Crotts for letting us borrow their lovely home). It was one of the most relaxed Thanksgiving Days I've ever experienced and I really enjoyed just sitting around talking and playing with the kids. I miss Rock Hill so much. These are the kind of moments that I dont ever want to forget. 

I'm working on Wedding Day Survival Kits for my best friend's wedding. Each bridesmaid is getting one filled with goodies and things we might need in an emergency! (you know, like mouth wash, bobby pins, safety pins, tissues...) I'm really excited for the big day and I cant wait to share these with the girls! I've never been in a wedding before, well, other than as the flower girl, and I'm so honored to be able to share such an important and amazing day with Jackie...it's making me think about my own wedding someday (not that it will be any time soon)...

Lauren Randall and I (also known as the musical group Chinese Finger Trap) helped to lead worship at the FUMC girl's retreat this past Sunday and Monday. The theme was "one girl can change the world...get your shoes on." There was a huge group of girls and it was a ton of fun. I really hope that all of the girls took something away from their time there. 

Every year, this house goes crazy with lights and inflatable things...its kind of ridiculous but its a nice tradition. There's a donation box if you want to help pay the light bill :) 

This is the beginning of Christmas at the Bunce house. Sour Apples to Apples (only sold at Target...its pretty awesome) and Banana Grams (aka Speed Scrabble) along with hours and hours of movies...

Mom totally ignored the rules, Cameron usually made about three good words and then had a giant pile of letters, dad and I took the game seriously though...this is the way board games usually go at our house

 We always make a ginger bread house...even though we're 22 and 24, we go pretty crazy on the sugar and decorating...this year we cheated though and got the easy-assemble kit...when we have kids, we'll have serious ginger people houses again; this, of course, will require the kitchen to become covered in a thick layer of powdered sugar and icing

Thursday at work, the weather got a little scary. The tv and radio were telling us to watch out for tornadoes and I certainly was...from the drive through window. I took this right before a major down pour. I'm just thankful it helped to cool things down.

Roux, a new restaurant in Montgomery, has some pretty awesome desserts. We went there after pizza at Tomatinoes the night my brother came into town. 

I'd have to say, this has been one pretty great Christmas; and, honestly, I think it has a lot to do with being surrounded by people I love rather than getting into the materialistic hoopla that our society sells. The next few weeks will be packed for me and I'm so excited for all of it, but at the same time, I'm trying to find more time to chill out and remember the little things. 

I hope you have a very merry Christmas! 

Is this what growing up feels like?

So...things aren't exactly the way I thought they'd be, but today, especially, has taught me that God's plan and His power are so much greater than we can imagine and sometimes...heck, all the time...we need to let go and just allow God to work.

I have learned soo much about faithfulness and God's will lately and I feel like He is using everything in my life to teach me and show me Himself. I am completely and utterly amazing at how broken I am but how great He is in me. I am nothing. He is my everything.

At work (the italian ice shop) this past week, things seemed to go wrong every time we turned around. Machines were breaking, we had a million things to do, and we had very little time to do it all. Somehow, God pulled us through. The machines are all working fine and the ice I screwed up is back to normal. The icing made from spoiled milk got thrown out, thank God. And, now we're a week away from Thanksgiving.

As for Campus Ministries at Huntingdon, from the outside looking in it might look like things are falling apart, but really, God's just showing us a new plan. Things are changing, and I think we'll see its for the better. Worship today was so incredible. We were reminded of how the persecuted church gathers everyday as we sat in the basement of Flowers Hall with roaches and water leaking from the storm outside. Closed in that small room, we simply lifted our voices to God. One guitar and nearly 40 voices all singing different praises to God. There is nothing more beautiful than that. The power went out while we were down there, but no one flinched. We kept singing and praying. That is what worship is supposed to be. It is supposed to be a never ending prayer and communication with God. We shouldn't let anything make us even flinch because our love and our fear of God is so much greater than anything else in this world.

I'm leaving this weekend for a conference in Atlanta (the National Youth Workers Convention) and I am incredibly stoked to see what God has in store for us, and especially me. In  the past few weeks I've been to Secret Church, a seminar on the book When Helping Hurts, and now NYWC and maybe even passion 2012...I am so incredibly blessed to be able to go to these events. I dont want to take any of them for granted.