where I find myself

I try to be an optimistic person, but there's a point, I think, where you have to open your eyes a little wider to really see what God's doing when times get hard. I'm peeling my eye lids back....

Every single day, yes even on Christmas and new year's day, I receive multiple calls from my student loan lenders. Everyday I tell them the same thing. "Yes, I know my call will be recorded." "Yes, all of my contact information on file is correct....How do I know? I was asked to check it yesterday...and the day before that." "Yes, I've already tried and been rejected for forbearance on my loan...no, I don't want you to try again today." "Why can't I pay up now? Well, yes, I have a job, but I don't make enough to pay rent and utilities each month let alone food and gas..." But now, my story has changed....Why can't I pay? Because I just sold my car for what its worth in metal and now I don't have anything to get me to work but my own two feet or the sweetest friends God could give me.
 There's this circle in society...you need a car to get to work...you need a job to pay for a car...you need a car to get a job...you need a job to get a car...Montgomery isn't exactly bicycle friendly, especially not on my side of town. The ten minute drive to work is straight down one road I would never attempt to walk down, especially since there isn't a sidewalk.
So, this is where I find myself. I have no car. I have a dead end, minimum wage job. I owe tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. I want to go to grad school. I want to do something productive with my life.

On the more positive side of things, I got to spend more time than I expected with William (my boyfriend) in Macon, GA this past weekend. We had an amazing time watching movies, bowling, and spending a little time with his family. We cooked breakfast together on Saturday; it reminded me of our time at the Market at the Waters. We were always such a good team working together.  I think that's one reason we work so well...we know what we need to do and we know each other's strengths, which basically means that he always cooks the meat and I handle the little things or making it pretty. Its fun to be by his side in the kitchen...I'm glad he's a good cook!
On one of our adventures in town, we wanted coffee from a local shop called Joshua Cup (you should totally go if you're ever in Macon) but it was closed, so we used Siri to find Jittery Joe's. The walk from one coffee shop to the other was only about a mile, but we took our time, looking at all the amazing and beautiful old homes in downtown Macon. There's something about them that makes me want to live there. The city isn't flat like Montgomery, it has beautiful hills that have amazing views.....When we got to Jittery Joe's we realized it was across the street from Mercer University so we gave ourselves a tour of the campus, which has great architectural qualities...I love it. I loved it so much I found the Mercer web page and started an application for grad school...(William is the only person I've told about that...except for you, now) I decided that going to Mercer meant I could be closer to William, get my masters in counseling, ride my bike everywhere (since I'm recently without a car) and maybe even get a job with the Wesley House there. It all sounds good on paper...but there are always details that get overlooked...

I find myself stressfully content...which doesn't make any sense at all. There are so many things I could do and places I could go, but for now I'm just waiting. I except that I'm penny-less and my credit will be horrible, but I'm capable of moving on, and I've been blessed with wonderful friends and family who have been so good to me. What more could I need?