I care too much about what you think of me. Yes, you: my professors, my campus minister, my friends, my peers, my family. Your opinion of me has shaped me into who I am, or at least who I think I am. You've told me that I am a good listener, that I have a nice smile, that I am talented. You've read my blog, you've heard me sing, you've watched me preach. I strive everyday to live up to the standards and ideals that you set for me, then I fight harder to be everything that you want from me. I'm a nerd when you hand me a book. I'm outgoing when you hand me a mic. I'm an artist when you hand me a brush. I'm a poetic when you hand me a pen. I build when you hand me a hammer. I listen. I plan. I organize. I teach.
I do these things on my own, with my ability. I don't rely on anyone or anything else; I just work to live up to who I think you want me to be.
The problem is I shouldn't care.
I've found my self-worth in relationships and roles that I've played. I've pushed myself to be everything I can because I've thought that my reward would be becoming that person and finding some kind of lasting joy. The rewards that come from those things are short lived.
I am a child of the creator of the universe. He made me this way. He knew me before time and He knows His plans for me. I don't want to do anything that says that I believe any different. I don't want to do anything that I could have done without Him; I want to rely on Him with every step I take.
God gave me my talents and passions so that I could use them to glorify Him and share His Word with others. If I care more about what you think than what He thinks, I've failed before I've even tried.
I am chained to the heart of Christ. I am no longer chained to the things of this world. It is my hearts desire to live each moment like that is exactly what I believe.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Final Countdown
We made it to the home stretch. One week of exams stands between us and graduation. Professors and staff are doing their best to make sure I'm sticking around all week. Monday, yes, dead day, the religion majors have exit interviews with all of the religion professors one on one. I told Woods he could take mine for me; he would do a better job anyway, and he would love spending more time with them. After the interview, Alyce and I will be studying Hebrew until we are giving out popsicles at the water slide on the green. That night we have ODK initiation and dinner for the religion majors. All this to say I will not be getting any studying done on the day set aside for studying.
Wednesday I have a final critique for my photography class. We are mounting pictures within a theme. I'm pretty excited about this project; it's a whole lot better than the movie poster. I've been taking pictures of trees and pants. I love photography. I think it makes me feel close to God, like capturing His creation as an artist and appreciating it down to the way light hits the bark of a tree is what He wants us to do with it. I walked around yesterday in awe of the world He gave us. I wish I were a better painter so that I could attempt to replicate the magnificence of creation, not that I ever really could. I admire my brother so much for his creative eye and his ability to take the most ordinary things and make them look beautiful and unique.
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday; I've been thinking a lot about what it means to me and what my family used to do when I was younger. Every year, my Nana, my mom's mom, would buy me an Easter dress. Looking back on them, they were some of the most hideous things you could ever imagine. One was shades of brown with giant pears and fruit-ish things on it. I'm pretty sure it had a giant white bib-like collar too. I remember them usually being itchy, which meant there was tool. One year I wore a gray Japanese inspired dress. My brother would get a pastel tie. Like clockwork every year, we would be forced to stand in front of the prettiest flowering plants in our front yard so that we could take pictures to send to the grandparents.
Our church had a tradition called the flowering of the cross. On Easter morning at the sunrise service, we would bring flowers and cover the cross in front of the church with beautiful flowers. I loved it. I miss those types of things a lot.
I am incredibly excited for the week after exams. Friday is my birthday, and I am going to a Biscuits game with Stephen. Baseball is my favorite sport and its the perfect way to close out a week of stress. Saturday, my mom and I are going to a wine tasting. My family likes to educate me on my choices in wine and beer, I love them for that. It's usually a lot of fun to see what they will think I like and to hear them explain the flavors you taste. I am most excited about my brother coming down from Rock Hill! We are all going camping for our birthdays (Cameron's is Saturday). My dad has had this one camp site picked out for a long time and I am really excited to be able to finally go up there. After we get back from camping, I am going to a Braves game with Jackie and John. I am so excited to spend time with them. We have graduation practice and brunches to attend...those I'm not thrilled about, but I am excited to be with our graduating class for the last few days we will be together. It's a really bitter-sweet time, I think. We're all ready to graduate, but we aren't ready to say goodbye to each other or to Huntingdon. I'm going to miss it a lot.
Wednesday I have a final critique for my photography class. We are mounting pictures within a theme. I'm pretty excited about this project; it's a whole lot better than the movie poster. I've been taking pictures of trees and pants. I love photography. I think it makes me feel close to God, like capturing His creation as an artist and appreciating it down to the way light hits the bark of a tree is what He wants us to do with it. I walked around yesterday in awe of the world He gave us. I wish I were a better painter so that I could attempt to replicate the magnificence of creation, not that I ever really could. I admire my brother so much for his creative eye and his ability to take the most ordinary things and make them look beautiful and unique.
Our church had a tradition called the flowering of the cross. On Easter morning at the sunrise service, we would bring flowers and cover the cross in front of the church with beautiful flowers. I loved it. I miss those types of things a lot.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
the best kept secret
Last year, I participated in what Huntingdon students call Huntingdon's best kept secret. It was one of the best experiences I had in all of my four years.You go into it not knowing who you'll be with or what you'll be doing. Meeting outside the library at midnight, staying out until 3pm, and immediately trashing all of your clothes seem like factors for the worst night ever, but it turns out that the things you gain from the experience are beyond anything you could imagine. We grew as a group as we were forced to work together, but in the end, what we found made everything worth the sleepless night and constant searching.
This year, as with the tradition started in 1942, the seniors who participated in the hunt last year led the hunt for the juniors and seniors who chose to participate this year. We had 55 begin the hunt, compared to our almost 30 last year. It was a massive group of amazingly diverse people who had to learn how to work together for the greater good of the group. They did surprisingly well at some moments and surprisingly horrible at others. I worry that their frustrations with each other will effect the way they remember what all happened. They went through a lot together, but I hope that will only help the hunt for next year. Being on the other side, as a leader, is so amazing; watching a group of peers discovering things they never knew were there and discovering a secret tradition that has lasted nearly 70 years.
Huntingdon's best kept secret, the Oracle Hunt, is one of the most physically exhausting, mentally challenging, and generally incredible things you can do at Huntingdon. If you were a student at Huntingdon and you didn't do it, you really missed out. If you're currently a student and are thinking about doing it, you definitely should.
This year, as with the tradition started in 1942, the seniors who participated in the hunt last year led the hunt for the juniors and seniors who chose to participate this year. We had 55 begin the hunt, compared to our almost 30 last year. It was a massive group of amazingly diverse people who had to learn how to work together for the greater good of the group. They did surprisingly well at some moments and surprisingly horrible at others. I worry that their frustrations with each other will effect the way they remember what all happened. They went through a lot together, but I hope that will only help the hunt for next year. Being on the other side, as a leader, is so amazing; watching a group of peers discovering things they never knew were there and discovering a secret tradition that has lasted nearly 70 years.
Huntingdon's best kept secret, the Oracle Hunt, is one of the most physically exhausting, mentally challenging, and generally incredible things you can do at Huntingdon. If you were a student at Huntingdon and you didn't do it, you really missed out. If you're currently a student and are thinking about doing it, you definitely should.
Monday, April 11, 2011
crowns, converse, and a little God on the side
I was mid wisdom lit paper when I remembered that if I hadn't posted in a while, I must have forgotten to blog about CROWNED! (I know you've been dieing to hear what I thought about it)
I was a part of an 8 girl group who drove up to Birmingham on Friday, April 1st for the CROWNED event at the Basement. Pretty much since my sophomore year I've been hearing about how amazing this place is, so I figured this was a good time to see what its all about.
As we walked up to the building, the crowd of women was growing larger and larger outside the doors. The Basement plays "first come first served" in the worst way for seats in the room. They open the doors at the very last minute possible before the event begins. After being greeting by gorgeous, perky women with name tags, we walked toward the music at the door. It was the instrumental version of "California Girls" by Kati Perry. The secular music continued as we walked into what was labeled the "theater," not to be confused with a sanctuary where one worships God or finds a safe place from the things of this world.
They massively under estimated the number of women who would attend the event; there were enough seats for half of us, all of which were saved by the time we made it inside. My group found a spot against the wall in the back and sat on the floor behind the chairs.
The event opened with three girls dancing to secular music on the stage in Victoria's Secret T shirts. These three girls stayed on stage for the "worship" portion, except there wasn't a band and they didn't actually sing into the microphones. The DJ played portions of really popular worship songs sung by mostly women, except the version of Kari Jobe's "Healer" was a man singing.The DJ played a verse and a chorus worth of a song and abruptly moved onto the next song.
After the musical portion, a man came on stage to introduce the speaker, Matt Pitt (yes, a male speaker at a women's event). He got the kind of introduction a rock star might get at some kind of awards show. He walked on to the stage as women screamed and worshiped him. The praises for this man, who changed his life from being a druggie to being a "christian" were a little too much for me. Pitt had three points to his talk. 1. you are SPECIAL. (That means you shouldn't have bad self esteem). 2. You are UNIQUE. (That means that you shouldn't compare yourself to other women because, well see #1) 3. You are ROYALTY. (I think his explanation had something to do with God, but I didn't really get it). There was no scripture referenced. There was very little mention of God or Jesus. At one point, I thought he was holding a Bible, but it turned out to be a converse high top...which he used to tell us that even though we are princesses, we don't have to have glass slippers, some of us have converse "slippers."
It was "therapeutic deism" at its finest. It was all "hands in the air" (they told us to), "Christianity is so great, its always just like this: easy, happy, and fun!" There was no disclaimer telling girls that as Christians we still have struggles...as a matter of fact we are supposed to be persecuted for our faith.
After Pitt was done, there were more bits of songs. I knew some of the girls in my group needed to get back, but I felt like we needed to talk about everything we had experienced, so we left early. We discussed our thoughts over food at Cracker Barrel. Before sharing my own thoughts, I asked for theirs. Most of the girls were on the same page as me, but a few felt that they really needed the experience there. I thought that was awesome. We talked a lot about what we could gain from the message, and I added some scripture that I thought might help support Pitt's message.
All in all we had a great time. Our little group from Huntingdon bonded over MASH for most of the night and spent the night at my apartment. As far a fellowship goes, I don't think we could have had a better event, but as far as being educated in our faith, I think we might have lacked something.
In case you have been to the Basement and had a very different experience, please let me know. I would really like to know if this event was different than their normal weekly service. I hope that our experience was just a fluke. I would love to hear your opinions though!
I was a part of an 8 girl group who drove up to Birmingham on Friday, April 1st for the CROWNED event at the Basement. Pretty much since my sophomore year I've been hearing about how amazing this place is, so I figured this was a good time to see what its all about.
As we walked up to the building, the crowd of women was growing larger and larger outside the doors. The Basement plays "first come first served" in the worst way for seats in the room. They open the doors at the very last minute possible before the event begins. After being greeting by gorgeous, perky women with name tags, we walked toward the music at the door. It was the instrumental version of "California Girls" by Kati Perry. The secular music continued as we walked into what was labeled the "theater," not to be confused with a sanctuary where one worships God or finds a safe place from the things of this world.
They massively under estimated the number of women who would attend the event; there were enough seats for half of us, all of which were saved by the time we made it inside. My group found a spot against the wall in the back and sat on the floor behind the chairs.
The event opened with three girls dancing to secular music on the stage in Victoria's Secret T shirts. These three girls stayed on stage for the "worship" portion, except there wasn't a band and they didn't actually sing into the microphones. The DJ played portions of really popular worship songs sung by mostly women, except the version of Kari Jobe's "Healer" was a man singing.The DJ played a verse and a chorus worth of a song and abruptly moved onto the next song.
After the musical portion, a man came on stage to introduce the speaker, Matt Pitt (yes, a male speaker at a women's event). He got the kind of introduction a rock star might get at some kind of awards show. He walked on to the stage as women screamed and worshiped him. The praises for this man, who changed his life from being a druggie to being a "christian" were a little too much for me. Pitt had three points to his talk. 1. you are SPECIAL. (That means you shouldn't have bad self esteem). 2. You are UNIQUE. (That means that you shouldn't compare yourself to other women because, well see #1) 3. You are ROYALTY. (I think his explanation had something to do with God, but I didn't really get it). There was no scripture referenced. There was very little mention of God or Jesus. At one point, I thought he was holding a Bible, but it turned out to be a converse high top...which he used to tell us that even though we are princesses, we don't have to have glass slippers, some of us have converse "slippers."
It was "therapeutic deism" at its finest. It was all "hands in the air" (they told us to), "Christianity is so great, its always just like this: easy, happy, and fun!" There was no disclaimer telling girls that as Christians we still have struggles...as a matter of fact we are supposed to be persecuted for our faith.
After Pitt was done, there were more bits of songs. I knew some of the girls in my group needed to get back, but I felt like we needed to talk about everything we had experienced, so we left early. We discussed our thoughts over food at Cracker Barrel. Before sharing my own thoughts, I asked for theirs. Most of the girls were on the same page as me, but a few felt that they really needed the experience there. I thought that was awesome. We talked a lot about what we could gain from the message, and I added some scripture that I thought might help support Pitt's message.
All in all we had a great time. Our little group from Huntingdon bonded over MASH for most of the night and spent the night at my apartment. As far a fellowship goes, I don't think we could have had a better event, but as far as being educated in our faith, I think we might have lacked something.
In case you have been to the Basement and had a very different experience, please let me know. I would really like to know if this event was different than their normal weekly service. I hope that our experience was just a fluke. I would love to hear your opinions though!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
ketsup
I feel like its been forever since I last posted. I've been incredibly busy doing things for my classes and extracurricular activities. I had two papers due last week and barely got them done, but by the grace of God, they both were turned in before my professor even remembered they were due! This week I've got even more on my plate, but I guess it's self inflicted. I've got one paper due tomorrow on someone's commentary on wisdom literature. I'm working on it, but slowly...Tuesday I have a project due in photography; its a movie poster for a movie I made up. The point of the project was really just a creative way to make us take portraits, but it has turned into a really intense project because we had to make up the movies and design our posters. Mine is called "Descendants;" its a comedy written, directed, produced, and musically directed by yours truly. It stars my roommate's fiance, John, some kids from church, and Stephen. The poster is mainly a golden wallpaper with the top of a couch at the bottom. The portraits are in frames like they are on the wall. I think it turned out really good, except the picture frames are weird. I tried taking old frames and removing the background from the picture but that takes an amazing amount of time that I just didn't have. Friday I have a presentation on the Bible study that Brittney and I are writing on Song of Songs. It's been really fun writing this study, I really enjoy writing and I think that being able to make scripture more accessible, especially for youth, is really awesome.
I've got two weeks left of classes, one week of exams (ending on my birthday), a week before graduation (filled with a Braves game, camping with the family, and moving out of my apartment), then I'm off to Greece and Turkey...as soon as I get back, I move into my summer resident mission....I'm so incredibly excited for the next month!
I've got two weeks left of classes, one week of exams (ending on my birthday), a week before graduation (filled with a Braves game, camping with the family, and moving out of my apartment), then I'm off to Greece and Turkey...as soon as I get back, I move into my summer resident mission....I'm so incredibly excited for the next month!
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