Wednesday, July 31, 2013

To Everything There is a Season

It's been a million years since my last post, and with time comes change, lots of it!

Walker proposed to me on my birthday in April (and I said yes!) and that same day I was offered a new job selling jewelry. The job was a ton less stressful than the children's home, and I made good friends with my coworkers. It was definitely a blessing for me at that time. It gave me time to slow down and start planning the wedding.

Well, about four weeks ago, Walker was told on a Wednesday that he was being considered for a new position in management. The next day he was offered the job and they expected him to be in South Carolina the day after that! It was really crazy how quickly things were moving, but it was a great promotion and he had been working hard for it!

The next week, I was visiting family in Michigan when I had the crazy idea to just elope! Even more crazy was the fact that my family totally supported it! That same week, my landlord in Macon called me to tell me that he could no longer extend my rental agreement because he found someone who wanted my apartment. To me, that was assurance from God that I was on the right path.

When I got back to Macon from Michigan, Walker and I packed his house and my apartment. That Tuesday (July 9th) our families met us at the court house downtown and we got hitched! It was a really special day because my parents, my foster brother and my brother all got to be there for me.

The next day, Walker and I packed up the Uhaul and headed to Columbia, SC! Our new home is actually in Irmo, but its just a few minutes from the city.

Walker is loving his new job and I'm loving being his wife, but now I'm on the job hunt again!

As always, I'm praying for discernment.

Walker and I are still having a wedding in October and we are so excited to be able to celebrate with friends and family. We're about two months away from the big day and I've still got a lot to do. I'll be sending out invitations next week (God willing)!

I've been working on a wedding website www.theknot.com/wedding/walker-and-courtney
It's still a work in progress...and so am I!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Seeking Discernment....

Have you ever thought that you wanted something, only to realize (after getting steps closer to it) that it isn't what you wanted after all? I guess that's the "grass is greener" effect, but right now, its the story of my life.

I can't say I really had expectations for this job, but I think I had higher hopes for a Christian organization. Not to say that the MCH is bad, but I disagree with some of the things they do, including the fact that 180 children get hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas gifts each for Christmas and staff never gets a raise and that we are "meeting children where they are" rather than encouraging them to get back up and overcome their past to make a brighter future for themselves. We are giving them a false sense of what the world is like outside the doors of their cottage. They are being taught that its okay to curse every word in the book until they get what they want, violence gets them one on one time with staff, and disobedience is met with a consequence like having dinner brought to them rather than having to deal with the chaos of the dining hall.


Sunday night was one of the worst nights I've had at this job. I've started working ten hour shifts, and I'm not sure that I will be able to keep this up and stay sane. I'm definitely not cut out for a boys cottage, but am I even cut out to work with little girls?!

Right now I'm praying for discernment about my career path. Walker could be getting moved to an Atlanta store in the next year or so, so I'm not really sure what I should be doing.

I'm working the entire week of Christmas. I am really not happy about that. I can't even go to a Christmas Eve service at church because I'll be at work.


I keep wondering what my alternatives are...I applied for jobs at Davids Bridal, Lowe's and some other places. My church is looking to hire a new childrens minister. I've thought a little about real estate.

ok, I'm tired of writing about my job...

Walker on the other hand, is doing amazing at his job. He loved his week long training in Atlanta, and I think he learned a lot. They absolutely loved him. I'm really proud of all his hard work. He also just moved into his house (literally a block away from his grandmother's house).

It's three weeks until 2013. That means its two weeks until Christmas. I'm so bummed about working that I can't even think about Christmas this year. I'm thinking about acquiring the flu on the 24th.ugh




Saturday, November 17, 2012

Thankfulness

Lately, a lot of people have been picking one thing everyday to explain what they are grateful for. I haven't been doing it, but it is really encouraging to see so many people expressing their thanks. I wish people would do it year-round.

At work this past week, we had a night where the kids had an opportunity to get up in front of everyone and share what they are thankful for. It was really sweet how each of the kids talked about their friends and the staff, but the best part was how many kids said they were thankful for God in their lives because they didn't know where they would be without Him. I almost cried. It was precious. I was proud of the kids.

So, in trend with the season, I thought I should share some things that I am thankful for:

1. Christ in my life. I am not perfect and I struggle everyday, but He still loves me.

2. My family. I have amazing parents, the best brother in the world, and a big extended family who love and support each other. I am incredibly blessed through them.

3. Walker. I have been blessed with an incredible, godly man who loves me for who I am, even when I'm dramatic, crazy, and grumpy. He's pretty incredible.

4. My best friend, Jackie and her husband, John. Even though we are hours apart, our friendship is what keeps me sane sometimes, and I can't imagine who I would be today if I hadn't met her back in English Comp during the first semester of our freshman year of college. Jackie and John are an incredible couple whom I love. I am thankful for both of them and the encouragement they give me.

5. My "stuff." I have a car, a place to live, clothes, blankets to keep me warm, running water, and tons of things that a lot of people in this world don't have. I might not be a part of the American 1%, but compared to the world, I'm rich.

6. Music. Everyday, I listen to music constantly and I am incredibly thankful for the artists and musicians who make amazing music for me :) Especially for Sufjan Stevens, Mumford and Sons, Iron and Wine, Fun., Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, needtobreathe...I literally have a million pandora stations....okay, maybe not literally.

7. A job. Every day is different, and sometimes it's difficult, but I'm blessed to have a job at all. I love the girls I work with; sometimes they drive me crazy, but I wouldn't expect anything different from a group of 10-12 teenage girls!

8. This blog. I know that not very many people read it, but lately it has been the way my family and friends keep up with the chaos of my life.

9. You. yep, you. :)

Monday, November 12, 2012

Shallow Water, No Diving...

Sometimes you have to jump head first into things to really let yourself go. Other times, you miss the "no diving" signs and you end up cracking your head open on the solid, shallow bottom of life.

Lately, I've been wondering which I've done. I went from living with my parents, not paying any bills, and not even having a job for a few months to moving to a completely different state, renting an apartment by myself, paying power, internet, and student loan bills, taking on a job that stresses me out and regularly makes me question my chosen career path, and having no time or money left over for anything else.

I think I cracked my head open.

My job keeps me from being involved in the community and my church, it keeps me from seeing Walker, and the lack of communication I've been feeling because of it has really made me long for something different.

I want to teach. I don't know what I want to teach and I'm not sure in what capacity; however, teaching brings me a kind of joy that nothing else does. I know this because in the two weeks I got to help girls with their science fair projects, I was loving my job. I love helping kids understand things.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea where I'm going. I trust God to show me His will. I pray that he restores my soul and guides me to where I need to be. Until then, I'm holding on...no, I take that back...until then, I'm letting go.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Back to Frustration...

So I went to work with a great attitude, thinking that it was all still up in the air whether or not I was getting this job or keeping the one I have. No one ever called me about the job. Sometimes you just have to figure things out on your own.

Wednesday evening, I had been working since 5pm and the girls were going to bed, so it was after nine when I finally saw the schedule for November. I looked it over, noticing that the days I had asked off for I had been scheduled for (all of them). Then I noticed that the last week in the month, my name wasn't even on the schedule. Instead there was another name that I had never heard of before. I asked the other ladies I was working with if they knew anything about it, but they knew nothing. So I had just discovered that I apparently DID NOT get the job, thanks to seeing someone else on the schedule. I was a little upset that none of my supervisors had said ANYTHING to me. So that night when I got home I sent an email to the same person I've always been in correspondence with since I started. I told her about my discovery and how I had assumed that I was no selected for the position, and that I had some questions about my job situation. She responded, again telling me that her supervisor would call me. She never did.

A few days later, the Program Manager comes into the cottage where I work, and she calls me into the office to talk to me. Someone had told her that she should talk to me about why I didn't get the job. She told me she DIDN'T KNOW I WANTED IT! I was so upset, but I didn't say anything. I had asked my supervisor if I was in a position where I could be considered for it and her response was "YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE POSITION." Apparently her word means nothing.

So, I wasn't even considered for the position all this time, and that same lady had not shared the dates that I had asked off for in November with the program manager who made my schedule.

I am incredibly tired of being left in the dark and being neglected.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Readjusting...Redirecting

I have written in a while....I think I've felt stuck; something of a kind of writers block of my whole life. Work has been challenging from dealing with teenage girls' attitudes, suicide watch and physical restraints. I was told last week that I would know Monday (yesterday) whether or not I was going to continue my job as a PRN (as needed, in any cottage) or if I would become a permanent child care counselor in the cottage I've been in for the past two months. I still haven't heard anything. BUT my attitude has changed about this decision that awaits me. I was apprehensive about taking on this new position in just one cottage, but talking with one of the girls last night got me thinking. I was telling her that the situation she was in seemed like it sucked because in the present, frankly, it did. She was in trouble, but this was only one little bump on a road that goes somewhere only God knows right now. We are so stuck in this single perspective thinking, with our side-blinders on, that we forget that God is outside of time, and His plan for us and His love for us means that NOTHING can be against us. The only thing that we can do is admit the defeat of our worldly selves and ask God's forgiveness, then hand it over to Him. Just give up. We can't do anything on our own.

So I'm giving this up. I'm not looking for a 9 to 5. I'm not considering the pros and cons of both positions. I'm just giving it up to Him. He's in control, and His plan is way better than anything that I could even consider.

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On another positive note, my parents came to visit me last week. It was a really nice break from the patterns of sleeping in, Ramen noodle eating, and work going. They came on Wednesday night (at midnight) and left Friday night.

Thursday morning, we took Chewy (mom's Pomeranian) and walked to the coffee shop near Mercer University. It's about a mile from my apartment and it was a really nice, cool morning. We stayed there for a while, enjoying coffee, breakfast and conversation. Then, we walked back slowly, stopping at the local dog park and admiring local architecture. We ate lunch at a great Greek place downtown. It was so pretty outside that we ate outside at a table on the sidewalk. In two days I think I did more exploring of downtown Macon that I've been able to do in the three months I've lived here.

The weather was perfect. We filled two days with just enough to feel productive (building me a desk and getting a mattress topper for my bed), relaxed (afternoon naps and slow strolls through town),  and fellowshipped (for lack of a better word).

We got to eat dinner with Walker on Thursday and he and his mother on Friday. We only ate at local places and we learned so much about the city, I felt like I was on vacation. It was  just a really nice time. I am incredibly grateful that my parents broke away from their lives to come see me.

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I'm ready for Thanksgiving in the Carolinas. I'm ready for the smell of the cold air and the warmth of family. I'm ready to hear folk music and spend time with friends who have become family. 46 days. Not that anyone's counting.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Dreaming...

I'm starting to dream of a 9 to 5 where I can wear skirts and flats and feel comfortable. I dream of a job where I can organize my own desk, not one that I share with eight other people. I dream of a job that doesn't involve breaking up fights or knowing physical restraints. I dream of a job where I can be a leader, where I can be creative, where I can feel confident. I love kids. I love helping them. I love doing paperwork...it's actually true.

A co-worker told me the other day that I would make a good art therapist. It got me thinking about my calling and what I am good at...

I love that I have been blessed with this job and I love that I have been given such a passion for loving on these girls.


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Ecclesiastes 3:12

I've been really busy between work, spending time with Walker and trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. This week, I have a few training days, but today's was cancelled so I'm working a regular shift until 11pm...but Thursday and Friday, I'm back to learning about the foundations of my job.

Yesterday during our training class, another lady at my table told me that I should be an art therapist. I loved the suggestion because I love art and I want to be a therapist, but I honestly can't afford to further my education right now. I wish higher education in America was free. Maybe when I get my loans paid off in a hundred years, I'll be closer to a masters of something.

Walker and I both had Monday off, so we had lunch with his grandmother and ran some errands with her. It was nice to spend time with them both. We got a gift card in the mail from AT&T so, we used it on dinner last night because we were both wanting Chinese food. Unfortunately, the place we went wasn't the best in the world...I'm still on a search for good Chinese food in this city. We have plans to get Chinese when we are back in Montgomery.

I've spent some time thinking about my calling and what I should be doing to pursue it. I love the Methodist Home and I would really like to be there for a long time, but there are so many things that I have to learn. Maybe one day I will be in a place where I can influence some change.

 "I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live."

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

"so sick, so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick"

Being sick and having to work is not very much fun, but I am really going to appreciate my day off Thursday. My schedule tomorrow is a little special, but hey, I'm getting 11 hours! I have to go in for a team meeting 10-noon, then I have a training class on medical administration 1-2, then I have a class on confidentiality 2-4, and finally I work a shift in the cottage 5-11. I'm not really sure what to do with those awkward hours in the middle though.

My sore throat morphed into sinus pressure and a runny nose, and today I've been coughing like crazy. When I got off work at 6, Walker forced me to take liquid medicine for it...he's lucky I love him cause I DONT take liquid medicine goo. EVER.

As incentive to take a spoonful of the potent, thick, red goo, Walker took me and his mom out to dinner at Wings! On Tuesdays they have a special on wings so we got ten for him and we got my ten for free!! It was delicious! It's a great deal. Both of us had ten wings and Walker got three of the little beers and it was only like $16.

Walker is thinking about (or pretty much decided now) buying the new iPad, which is really exciting because they are really nice. It's gonna be close to 700 dollars for the 16G with a fancy cover and the apple protection plan thingy...but apparently it is totally worth it...AND its a work expense for him because Havertys has an app that you can use to look at sizes, colors, blah blah blah when you're looking for furniture. If he had one while he was working, he could help customers see what all their options are. It sounds pretty cool.

I am currently doing laundry for the first time in a week and a half. I actually bought a shirt yesterday because I didn't have anything clean to wear and I knew I didn't have time or energy (or quarters) to wash clothes after work at 11. With clean clothes, freshly vacuumed carpet in the apartment, and nothing to do on Thursday, I am planning a day for me to get healthy. I am going to spend the entire day in bed or on the couch, except for the walk I plan to take because the weather is starting to get really nice in the evenings. I am going to drink hot tea, explore pinterest, and sleep. I might also watch a super cliche chick flick. Thats the official plan. Of course, if you have suggestions for how I should spend my day, I am definitely open to them.


Saturday, September 8, 2012

Sick Day...Work Day

So, it's Saturday, and not only do I have to work 3 to 11, but I'm sickly. After taking Walker some pretzles and soda at work, I have spent the day on the couch with a box of tissues and some cough drops. I'm thankful for online bill pay so I could feel a little productive!

I have read two pretty cool blogs that are worth reading...

The first is a woman who decided for her 38th birthday, she would give one random act of kindness for every year of her life. Robyn's blog tells all about her random acts (with pictures), and lists some other things that her friends and family did on her birthday as well. It's a really cool idea to give on your birthday, and she inspired other people to pay it forward too.

The second one is a little less inspirational and a little more self-help. 21 Secrets for your 20s lists things that might seem like common sense, but others that are pretty good. number 11 is my favorite:  "If at some point between 22 – 27 you feel like you’re six years old again, lost and alone at the San Diego Zoo (it’s a big-frickin-zoo), frantically searching for a familiar face – hold tight, you’re experiencing a bit of a Quarter-Life Crisis. Stay put. Pray a lot. And in no time someone will call your name across the loud speaker to tell you where you can be found."

T-1 hour before I have to be at work...I'm praying for a smooth evening with the ten ladies I'm really growing to love. They are precious, all in their own ways. Who know a bunch of teenage girls could be so sweet...between moments of yelling and fighting! haha I need a nap!