Back to Frustration...

So I went to work with a great attitude, thinking that it was all still up in the air whether or not I was getting this job or keeping the one I have. No one ever called me about the job. Sometimes you just have to figure things out on your own.

Wednesday evening, I had been working since 5pm and the girls were going to bed, so it was after nine when I finally saw the schedule for November. I looked it over, noticing that the days I had asked off for I had been scheduled for (all of them). Then I noticed that the last week in the month, my name wasn't even on the schedule. Instead there was another name that I had never heard of before. I asked the other ladies I was working with if they knew anything about it, but they knew nothing. So I had just discovered that I apparently DID NOT get the job, thanks to seeing someone else on the schedule. I was a little upset that none of my supervisors had said ANYTHING to me. So that night when I got home I sent an email to the same person I've always been in correspondence with since I started. I told her about my discovery and how I had assumed that I was no selected for the position, and that I had some questions about my job situation. She responded, again telling me that her supervisor would call me. She never did.

A few days later, the Program Manager comes into the cottage where I work, and she calls me into the office to talk to me. Someone had told her that she should talk to me about why I didn't get the job. She told me she DIDN'T KNOW I WANTED IT! I was so upset, but I didn't say anything. I had asked my supervisor if I was in a position where I could be considered for it and her response was "YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE POSITION." Apparently her word means nothing.

So, I wasn't even considered for the position all this time, and that same lady had not shared the dates that I had asked off for in November with the program manager who made my schedule.

I am incredibly tired of being left in the dark and being neglected.

Readjusting...Redirecting

I have written in a while....I think I've felt stuck; something of a kind of writers block of my whole life. Work has been challenging from dealing with teenage girls' attitudes, suicide watch and physical restraints. I was told last week that I would know Monday (yesterday) whether or not I was going to continue my job as a PRN (as needed, in any cottage) or if I would become a permanent child care counselor in the cottage I've been in for the past two months. I still haven't heard anything. BUT my attitude has changed about this decision that awaits me. I was apprehensive about taking on this new position in just one cottage, but talking with one of the girls last night got me thinking. I was telling her that the situation she was in seemed like it sucked because in the present, frankly, it did. She was in trouble, but this was only one little bump on a road that goes somewhere only God knows right now. We are so stuck in this single perspective thinking, with our side-blinders on, that we forget that God is outside of time, and His plan for us and His love for us means that NOTHING can be against us. The only thing that we can do is admit the defeat of our worldly selves and ask God's forgiveness, then hand it over to Him. Just give up. We can't do anything on our own.

So I'm giving this up. I'm not looking for a 9 to 5. I'm not considering the pros and cons of both positions. I'm just giving it up to Him. He's in control, and His plan is way better than anything that I could even consider.

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On another positive note, my parents came to visit me last week. It was a really nice break from the patterns of sleeping in, Ramen noodle eating, and work going. They came on Wednesday night (at midnight) and left Friday night.

Thursday morning, we took Chewy (mom's Pomeranian) and walked to the coffee shop near Mercer University. It's about a mile from my apartment and it was a really nice, cool morning. We stayed there for a while, enjoying coffee, breakfast and conversation. Then, we walked back slowly, stopping at the local dog park and admiring local architecture. We ate lunch at a great Greek place downtown. It was so pretty outside that we ate outside at a table on the sidewalk. In two days I think I did more exploring of downtown Macon that I've been able to do in the three months I've lived here.

The weather was perfect. We filled two days with just enough to feel productive (building me a desk and getting a mattress topper for my bed), relaxed (afternoon naps and slow strolls through town),  and fellowshipped (for lack of a better word).

We got to eat dinner with Walker on Thursday and he and his mother on Friday. We only ate at local places and we learned so much about the city, I felt like I was on vacation. It was  just a really nice time. I am incredibly grateful that my parents broke away from their lives to come see me.

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I'm ready for Thanksgiving in the Carolinas. I'm ready for the smell of the cold air and the warmth of family. I'm ready to hear folk music and spend time with friends who have become family. 46 days. Not that anyone's counting.